all women were bigger and stronger than you
and thought they were smarter
women were the ones who started wars
too many of your friends had been raped by women wielding giant dildos
and no K-Y Jelly
the state trooper
who pulled you over on the New Jersey Turnpike
was a woman
and carried a gun
the ability to menstruate
was the prerequisite for most high-paying jobs
your attractiveness to women depended
on the size of your penis
every time women saw you
they’d hoot and make jerking motions with their hands
women were always making jokes
about how ugly penises are
and how bad sperm tastes
you had to explain what’s wrong with your car
to big sweaty women with greasy hands
who stared at your crotch
in a garage where you are surrounded
by posters of naked men with hard-ons
men’s magazines featured cover photos
of 14-year-old boys
tucked into the front of their jeans
and articles like:
“How to tell if your wife is unfaithful”
“What your doctor won’t tell you about your prostate”
“The truth about impotence”
the doctor who examined your prostate
was a woman
and called you “Honey”
you had to inhale your boss’s stale cigar breath
as she insisted that sleeping with her
was part of the job
you couldn’t get away because
the company dress code required
you wear shoes
designed to keep you from running
And what if
after all that
women still wanted you
to love them.
For the Men Who Still Don’t Get It, written 20 years ago by Carol Diehl.
She wrote a post about the history of this poem that is worth reading.
The trick, kiddo,” his mom replies slowly. “Is finding someone who complements you instead of completes you. You need to be complete on your own.
You wanna find out some personal shit?
1. Any scars?
2. Self harmed?
4. Kissed anyone?
5. Coke or Pepsi?
6. Someone you hate?
7. Best Friends?
8. Have you ever done alcohol or drugs?
9. What's your dream job?
10. Ever been in love?
11. Last time you cried?
12. Favorite color?
15. Eye color?
16. Hair color?
17. What do you love?
19. If you had one wish, what would it be?
20. Do you love someone?
21. Kiss or hug?
22. Nicknames people call you?
23. Favorite song?
24. Favorite band?
25. Worst thing that has ever happened to you?
26. Best thing that has ever happened to you?
27. Something you would change about yourself?
28. Ever dated someone?
29. Worst mistake?
30. Watch the movie or read the book?
31. Ever had a heartbreak?
32. Favorite show?
33. Best day of your life?
34. Any talents?
35. Do you wish you could ever start over?
36. Any bad habits?
37. Ever had a near death experience?
38. Someone I can tell anything to?
39. Ever lost a loved one?
40. Do you believe in love?
41. Someone you hate/Dislike?
42. Are you okay?
43. Relationship status?
It’s that thing when you’re with someone, and you love them and they know it, and they love you and you know it… but it’s a party… and you’re both talking to other people, and you’re laughing and shining… and you look across the room and catch each other’s eyes… but - but not because you’re possessive, or it’s precisely sexual… but because… that is your person in this life. And it’s funny and sad, but only because this life will end, and it’s this secret world that exists right there in public, unnoticed, that no one else knows about. It’s sort of like how they say that other dimensions exist all around us, but we don’t have the ability to perceive them. That’s - That’s what I want out of a relationship. Or just life, I guess.